Who’s Helping Who: The Self-help industrial complex

“Self-help” gets a bad rap. At times deservedly so. A lot of what we call self-help is just what one person thinks we should do to be happy. When oftentimes it’s what they want to be happy. What help means is highly subjective. We all have different reasons for wanting help. We also all have different goals for that help. So no one person can claim to have the one size fits all approach. Despite that, many self-help books claim to be just that. So it’s easy to dismiss the genre. There’s a lot of good out there though. A lot of people find real insight into these ideas. I myself have benefited from them a great deal. One of our great powers as humans is collecting wisdom and sharing it. Reading another person’s perspective can be enlightening, especially if they’ve gone through something similar to you. That’s where the real beauty of this movement is. It’s the sharing of experiences. It’s the sharing of struggle and overcoming that struggle.

We’re all hurting. No matter who you are or where you are, there’s pain. For some of us, it’s highly localized from things like personal trauma and failing communities. For others, it’s the environmental collapse, intergenerational trauma, and the fracturing of society. We see this hurt every day. Whether it’s the unhoused we see on our way to work, the family member suffering from addiction, or the culture wars, all of it has an effect. People see and feel this hurt. All they want to do is find something that makes it all make sense or make them feel better.

This hurt is heightened by these devices in our pocket that were supposed to revolutionize the world and make us all closer. Instead, they’ve only served to divide us. We all have created our own bubble to live in and scroll through. Hitting like for anything we agree with, and vehemently responding to anything we don’t. Social media isn’t made for discourse, it’s made for war. That’s what gets attention, which leads to more time on the platform. More time on the platform leads to more ads watched. They don’t care that it’s causing a mental health crisis, just that their stock price goes up.

More than that, we have a constant window into everyone’s suffering. Suffering on a scale our brains weren’t meant to endure. The conflict in Ukraine is a perfect example of that. While the attention has waned, think about the beginning of the war. We all saw the videos every day. There were buildings being shelled, prisoners being captured, and refugees running from their lives. It was a constant part of our lives for weeks. We should be aware of what’s going on around the globe, in fact, we need to be, but there has to be a better way to be informed other than unadulterated war. 

The same goes for climate change. The threat is very real, and we should all be doing something about it. The issue is that’s not what we see broadcast on a daily basis. We don’t hear about the positive initiatives or movements. In fact, most of the time those movements are suppressed because again that’s not where the money is. What gets the most attention is we’re fucked narrative. So that’s what gets shared across social media. Which creates this self-fulfilling prophecy. If everyone thinks we’re fucked then people stop taking action. There’s no hope in misery, but there is attention in it. That’s what the attention economy is all about, getting people hooked on the constant drip of anger and misery but never leaving the platform to do anything about it. 

Next to all of this large-scale polarization, there are other ways the internet is hurting our mental health. The attention economy isn’t just about turning us against each other, it’s turning us against ourselves. We’re constantly exposed to people and posts that make us feel less than. There are beauty influencers who make young girls feel like they’ll never be beautiful. There’s the “hustle porn” culture which makes us feel like we’re not doing enough. Even art has become this grindset culture that makes people feel like we’re not creative enough. Whatever it is we’re constantly comparing ourselves to these images and ideals we see on a daily basis. What’s worse is that there are all projections. It’s only what they want you to see. A lot of these images are altered. Someone might be photoshopping their pictures. Or maybe that entrepreneur you follow was already rich before he started posting about his “grind”.  There’s a lot more to the story than meets the eye. It gets thrown around a lot but we’re comparing our low lights to everyone else’s highlights. This is all making us worse, a lot worse. It’s draining our self-esteem and forcing us to look for validation on these platforms and products from influencers to try to get it back. 

This is all to say that there are a lot of reasons why our mental health is failing. Which again is why there’s so much content springing up to fight it. We need to be careful though not to make things worse. Just like social media creates an infinite dopamine loop, we might be doing the same with mental health content. There’s danger in building a cycle of chasing the next self-help hit, whether it’s a book, podcast, or course. That’s not how healing and growth are supposed to work. The speed of healing is not the same speed at which our culture moves. Which is creating a lot of dissonances. It’s not supposed to be like learning Tik Tok dance. Healing isn’t supposed to be a trend. The work is hard and takes time. 

We need to look at what works. Some podcasters, authors, and content creators are giving good information. They look at the scientific literature, new research, and ancient traditions to develop content that is actually useful. Whether it’s Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, coping strategies, daily practices, or lessons from Buddhism, it can all help a person who’s struggling. What makes these different is that they’re tools for a person to use. Someone can take these lessons and apply them in their own life. The people who make this type of content are often times trained professionals or have done the work themselves. They’re acutely aware of what they’re trying to achieve.

The other type of content that is immensely powerful is story. Humans have used stories to teach and empathize each other since the inception of our species. It’s how we communicate struggle and victory, trauma and healing, despair and joy, and a whole host of other emotions. True stories are different than the news stories we see on social media and TV. Those stories are quick hits of sensationalized despair that are meant to make you react. There devoid of emotional complexity and context. The stories I’m talking about are long-form ones told through podcasts, books, and documentaries. They’re the full rundown of what a person went through, how they felt, and how they got out of it. These types of stories can be incredibly powerful for someone who’s struggling. There’s this sense of connection and camaraderie that happens when you hear about someone who’s going through the same thing of you. You’re not happy that this person went through what they did, but it lets you know that you’re not alone. More than that it lets you know that life can get better. Stories not only allow you to feel that sense of connection through struggle, but they also can be powerful teachers. You don’t only get hope that things can get better but you get insights into how it can get better. Whether it’s avoiding the pitfalls of others or taking similar steps as them, there’s wisdom to be had in stories. It’s why people should be more open about their struggles, you never know who might need to hear yours. 

Of course, none of this is a substitute for therapy and deep work. The issue is that most people can’t afford therapy in this country or many other countries for that matter. A lot of insurance doesn’t cover it and even if they do the co-pays can get astronomical. More so, the US has never prioritized mental health. In fact, it’s deprioritized. For most of our history, people weren’t supposed to talk about their emotions and struggles. We were supposed to just suffer in silence. Mental health was seen as a weakness. Depression wasn’t real. Anxiety wasn’t real. If you admitted to it you were labeled as crazy or disordered. So we never set up a robust system to take care of people. You only saw a therapist if something really bad happened or you were wealthy enough to afford one. That toxic ideology still permeates the culture. Which has created real problems in society. Kids aren’t getting the help they need, and those kids turn into dysfunctional adults. Who in turn raise dysfunctional kids and the cycle repeats itself. This is why I do think all of this self-help literature does more good than bad

More people than ever are getting exposed to new ideas and concepts that can help them heal. It shows a rising awareness of our mental health crisis and the need to do something about it. People need help and there are people who want to help. Which is exactly what we need in the world. This is why this isn’t a trend that needs to stop, but it is a trend we need to be mindful about. We need to take an intentional look at the space and make sure we’re doing it right. It can’t become just another facet of vapid influencer culture. It can’t just be a money-making venture. Healing isn’t a commodity. So let’s not treat it as such. Let’s treat it with the care it deserves. We can use these platforms and tools to do something incredible. We can use them to heal.