Soundtrack to my Life: how music helps us
It’s become cliche to say “music saved my life”. Whether it’s someone trying to be funny or declaring their passion for a certain artist you hear this all across the internet. Despite it venturing into cringe territory at times it rings true for so many of us who grew up on the internet. We were dealing with things that we didn’t know how to process or want to talk about with anyone. We had the easiest access to music than any other generation and hearing a song about it allowed us to not feel so alone in the world. So let’s explore some of the reasons why music is so powerful and can actually save a life.
For me, the artist that saved my life was Kid Cudi. I felt seen by his crooning and humming about loneliness and trying to figure out life. He was an outsider like me, he felt awkward like I did. We both dealt with mental health issues. Neither of us knew where we belonged and knew that that belonging was all we wanted in life. It wasn’t just the dark side of his music that resonated though. His first album Man on the Moon also had plenty of high points. High points that actually resonated with me. They were songs of triumph in finding yourself, being yourself, and ultimately just living your life. While his music got darker at periods there was always this fuck it feel-good attitude that would ooze out of the darkness. That helped me more than I can even express. I was in such a dark place that hearing about someone else who felt that way but also found happiness at times gave me hope. That empathy is the first part of what makes music so powerful. Music is a deeply personal thing. With other forms of art, the artist has space between them and their work. In a lot of mediums you can be anonymous if you want, just look at Banksy. While theoretically, you could be anonymous with music it’s a lot harder. It’s your voice, no matter how distorted or edited it sounds it’s still you who has to say the words. If you want to be successful you have to be in the music videos and personify your music. There are some examples like The Gorillaz but that’s an exception to the rule, also if you’re into music you know it’s Damon Albarn. This personalization is what makes it so potent when an artist shares experiences with you. This is a person you’ve never met or talked to yet it feels like they’re talking to you. They give words to thoughts and feelings you never knew how to express before. Their experiences bring life to your experiences. It makes you feel seen.
When you feel the way many of us felt in this new age of loneliness, being seen means everything. That’s why we feel such deep connections with the artists that make us feel that way. It’s why I felt a bond with Kid Cudi, despite never knowing him. It’s why you probably feel a bond with your favorite artist. Parasocial relationships are complicated. We all need real human connections to function, but sometimes that connection isn’t always there. Maybe you’re dealing with things at home you’re afraid to talk about. Maybe you just moved somewhere and don’t know anyone. Maybe you’re just afraid to say what you’re feeling out loud or don’t even know you’re feeling some type of way. Whatever it is, sometimes it takes someone outside of your life to help you process things. Again, that’s where music comes in. That’s where it can save your life because it shows that at least one other person cares about those types of feelings. In a way that makes you feel like someone cares about you.
It may sound oxymoronic to say that listening to sad music helps you feel less sad but it does. Studies have even shown that it does. I think that’s because of this connection and feeling seen. By listening to sad music you’re processing your own emotions. It allows you to sit and just be with them, which is advice any modern therapist will give you. We’re not supposed to be happy all the time. Trying to be can lead to feeling worse. This is why although listening to music to pump yourself up may work, it could also be less effective than just listening to some sad shit for a while and just feeling it all. One caveat would be that if you’re clinically depressed, sad music won’t be any sort of cure. You should definitely see someone. Though the music may help you not feel alone which could be a huge benefit for those suffering from depression. Listening to sad music can give a sense of catharsis and release. Again you not only feel seen but you also understand your current state a little better.
Oftentimes these artists know how their music affects people and explicitly state that they care about their fans. Whether it’s authentic or not this acknowledgment really can help people. It’s why they develop cult followings. It’s why people say that whoever saved their lives. Now we shouldn’t worship any particular musician or artist, artists explicitly warn against that, just think of “Saviour” by Kendrick Lamar. With that being said they do have real power. Again it’s all about being seen. This need to be seen isn’t about some vain attempt at wanting to be noticed. It’s much deeper than that. It’s about wanting someone to acknowledge your humanity. That you exist. That you have worth. Paradoxically we’re more visible than ever on the internet but we feel less seen than ever. Our presence in the “world” is dictated by likes and follows. We feel a need to cultivate that presence to optimize for that following. That optimization leads us to feel empty and inauthentic. This is especially true if you already feel like you don’t fit in IRL. That’s where “your” artist comes in, they make you feel like you fit in even if it’s with one person.
Sometimes it’s not just one person though. Music is one of the best ways to find a community. You see it with the EDM or hip-hop communities. Shows bring like-minded individuals together in one setting. In that setting, you know that you’re all there for the same purpose. You know that you have to at least have something in common with these people. Even if you show up alone, you’re not really alone. Again everyone is there to see an artist that they love. There’s no judgment or exclusion. This is especially true with less popular artists, where people have to at least be following that person somewhat closely to know when they’re going on tour. This sense of community can help people feel not so alone in the world. I know it helped me when I had just moved to a brand new city. By going to concerts I was clearly able to see that there are people with similar interests and vibes there. In a weird way, it’s become almost a replacement for church. It’s a shared vibe, experience, and energy that brings people together, and that’s exactly what the church used to do for people.
There’s another piece where “your” artist or music comes in. It allows you to give a soundtrack to your life. There’s been a lot of viral talk about “main character energy” and the like recently. Where people do things or act in certain ways to make it seem like they’re the main character of a movie. Now none of us are main characters surrounded by extras, but for people who struggle life feels that way. But it’s not in the classic way that this phenomenon is depicted. Depression, anxiety, and other mental illnesses often make you feel like you’re separated and disassociated from the world. You are the main character with these illnesses, but you’re also the extra. You don’t feel like you’re in the same world as everyone else. You feel alienated and alone, you’re the main character of your own nightmare. I felt that way for a long time, and my friends who also had depression felt the same way. That’s where music comes in. Music that you love provides this soundtrack to help you come back down to earth. It grounds you in the here and now. This soundtrack allows you to focus on what you’re doing and not get caught up in all of the mental gymnastics that you deal with on a daily basis. Again, it also allows you to feel your feelings and feel them in the world. It also feels like you’re not alone. You have your favorite artist there with you. This is where uplifting music can come in too. I already wrote about listening to sad music. Sometimes though you do need to get that pep talk or to hear that life gets better. That someone else made it through the darkness, and that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Music has this power too. Overall though no matter what genre or emotion the music is, it just allows you to have some peace. It gives color to the world when your mind is so busy trying to constantly drain that color away.
That’s why I love music. It’s given me so much. When I felt like I had nothing I always had it. On bad days I could play that one album I knew would make me feel better. During the most profound periods of loneliness, certain artists would make me feel like I had someone. I felt seen and heard. I curated soundtracks to feel myself and get out of the dark. I wouldn’t be here today without those artists. I’ve also bonded with so many people over our shared love of music. Millions of people feel the same way, you hear artists talk about these fans’ stories all the time. With the internet, it’s easier than ever to see and share these stories. That’s how you know that there's something profoundly special about music. It’s why we shouldn’t discount people who say “music saved my life”. It wasn’t the only thing that saved me, but it definitely deserves credit.