Eye of the storm: an interlude on chaos
It’s been a while since I’ve written an interlude. If you’re new here, these serve as breaks between pieces and a way of finding catharsis with themes we face in our lives. What we’re all facing right now is chaos. I’ve had a lot of conversations recently that have all centered on how chaotic life feels. Whether it’s the world at large, work, families, finances, or personal lives, it just feels like everything is up in the air. This is especially true if you’re trying to find meaning or live an intentional life. We just can’t get a foothold or figure out what direction we need to take before the next global or personal catastrophe hits. It’s a constant process of figuring out how to figure things out, and it’s fucking tiring.
Life has always been chaotic, that’s just how things are, but something feels different now. That difference may just be my own naivete, but if you look around there is a lot of instability. Late-stage capitalism and social media have essentially destroyed the foundations of any semblance of security we once had. Employees are caught in the constant boom and bust cycle of companies being run by private equity firms whose sole mission is to extract as much capital as possible and then move on to the next one, fulfilling jobs have essentially been defunded because they don’t contribute to the infinite growth that capitalism requires, and the environment is being destroyed as a byproduct of all this. It doesn’t help that our phones serve as windows into this mess. We can see the effects of climate change somewhere 5,000 miles away while simultaneously watching the companies our friends work at lay off thousands. We swipe and scroll trying to take it all in, but it just moves too fast. Not to mention we have our own lives going on both on and off the phone. We see our mess and everyone else’s and it just feels like too much.
The hardest part is probably this feeling of powerlessness that washes over us when we think about all that’s going on. It doesn’t feel like we’re living life, it feels like life is happening to us. Each new obstacle in both our personal lives and our screens just adds more weight to our shoulders. There’s so much going on and it’s moving so fast, that it’s hard to feel like you can do anything. What’s even harder is when you do try to do something but that doesn’t seem to get you anywhere. It just reinforces the feeling of powerlessness and you want to give up, even though you know you can’t. Ultimately you just feel lost because it doesn’t feel like anything is working and you’re still stuck in the same chaotic place. It’s one of the toughest places to be in because you know you need to do something but you just don’t know how to get there. At the same time, there’s all of this external noise going on while you’re trying to figure out your own life. Despite people trying to give their best advice, you continue to feel trapped with your back against the wall. This is where the cycle of anxiety and depression can come in. Anxiety surfaces about trying to get out of the storm and then depression hits when you feel like you can’t. This vicious cycle drains us emotionally and physically. Every day feels the same, where we’re just climbing up that hill with no end in sight.
What I just described is bleak but I’d imagine that most people have experienced something similar, probably recently. It seems like each week something we didn’t expect to happen or didn’t want to happen does. Whatever it is for you, none of us are impervious to the so-called storms of life. Storms do end though, and people have been navigating them for a long time. In navigating those storms we can find what we’ve been looking for. Many of us forget that. I forgot that. That’s the whole meaning behind the title of this blog and I’d lost sight of it. Before I go any further though, I want to stress that I recognize all of our struggles are different. This is not meant to be an interlude rooted in toxic positivity. Shit really is hard, and I’d never take that away from anyone. It’s okay to feel down, and it’s okay to feel stressed. All I want to do is offer a perspective on all of this. These interludes are just my way of working through these themes of life that we all endure. My hope is that as I work through them, it helps you do the same but in your own way.
So with that, let’s move forward. So yeah, I forgot about Breakdowns & Breakthroughs and got caught up in the chaos. I felt trapped and didn’t see a way out. At a recent concert though, something clicked. The artist talked about her own lows when writing the song she was about to perform and what it led to. Life circumstances forced her to cancel her last tour, but if that didn’t happen she wouldn’t have made the album she was sharing with us that night. She felt incredibly down bad and lost, but in that feeling, she created an amazing piece of art. It’s an example of how chaos isn’t always just bad or good. It can feel terrible but can lead to new experiences and growth. Sometimes it’s in our power, like during the summer I went on a chaotic adventure which ultimately led to some profound growth. Other times it’s not, but unexpected changes to life and work can also spur growth. It all forces us to see life in a new way and move in the direction we need to. It feels different when it’s outside of our control because we weren’t expecting it. We’re forced to just deal with the storm as it comes with zero preparation for it. All of a sudden we have to make decisions that we didn’t know were coming. That can be incredibly distressing but it’s also where the opportunity can lie. These moments of unplanned chaos are where we can grow the most because they force us to reevaluate life. They force us to make a choice and move. Again, I’m risking sounding like some asshole on Instagram who makes content around hustling and grinding through the pain, but hopefully, you stick with me.
When we have to reevaluate what’s going on in the face of chaos, that’s where we learn about ourselves. We have to pick a direction, and there may be a lot of closed doors in that direction, but it’s all information. It may not seem like it, but by moving from door to door, you’re moving forward. It’s also how we learn more about what we really want. Each unexpected experience gives you a chance to try something new. You’ll definitely still feel stuck because doors aren’t opening, but we all feel stuck until something does finally work out. I know how that might sound to someone dealing with unimaginable chaos. Not all of us have the same opportunities as others, but if we do, we gotta try. However, we also have to be careful not to go through the wrong door. Many of us will take the first opportunity to get out of the trap just to fall into another one. That’s why we need to use these times to learn about ourselves and gain clarity.
The only way we can find clarity is by taking a moment to rest and readjust. This is where the influencers are wrong. Yes, the only way through is by moving, but we can’t just force our way through doors. How can you head in a direction without figuring out where you want to go? There’s an ebb and flow to all this. Sometimes you have to just sit in the eye of the storm and take a breather before venturing back out. If you sit with yourself and set the intention something will come to you. That’s why closed doors can be a blessing because they force you to think about what you actually want. Doomscrolling through social media and adding more to your plate may not be the best way to spend this time resting, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enjoy yourself. There’s a lot of crazy shit going on but life is too short for you not to enjoy yourself. Live your life and have fun with it. That’s just as important in navigating the storm as everything else. Clarity like chaos can come when we least expect it.
Right now is a particularly stormy time for a lot of people. We’re stressed out and trying to find our way in an increasingly fucked up world. Every day there’s some unforeseen obstacle that gets thrown in our way. Some days I want to lie in bed and hope the storm passes just like anyone else. It’d be naive of me to say that we can just grit our way through all this. Still, times like these are inflection points for us as individuals and as a society. These are the moments that make us. I started this blog because I believe our greatest Breakthroughs come from our greatest Breakdowns. What’s a greater breakdown than the current shitshow that is most of our lives? I don’t know what I’m doing just like anyone else. What I do know is that from chaos we can find some amazing things. It can be a catalyst for us to do something that we always wanted or take a completely new path. I don’t know what you’re going through right now or what your personal storm looks like but I hope you start with a direction. You never know what good may come from heading that way.