Screenagers: what’s different about growing up online

When we talk about generations and social media, we usually focus on both ends of the spectrum, with those who grew up without it and those who were raised on it. Often forgotten is the group of older Gen Zers who were caught right in the middle of it all. This is the group I belong to, and we definitely suffer from middle-child syndrome. We were born too late to enjoy growing up without social media and too early to be digital natives. Social media and smartphone usage both took off right as we became teenagers. Never before had teenagers been so connected to each other and the world. Imagine mixing all the awkwardness of growing up with platforms that broadcast that everywhere. Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram quickly became major parts of our lives. Our parents used some of them but we were the true test subjects, all during some of our most formative years. Coming of age during that time had profound effects on all of us. It also shifted how people grow up, a shift that’s just as relevant today as it was a decade ago.

Before we head into the quasi-dystopia that is growing up online, let’s talk about what made growing up before this era different. As always I’ll note that like with any conversation, there’s nuance here. There were many things that weren’t great about growing up back then. A lot of parents didn’t necessarily believe in the idea of nurturing kids and helping them become actualized adults. This wasn’t always the case, but it was the norm. Widespread prejudice made growing up hell for kids who came from different backgrounds. I don’t want to discount those hardships and others. In some ways we have made progress, not as much as we’d like or need, but still progress. With that being said though, in my eyes the actual experience of growing up was a more fulfilling experience. The main difference was that you grew up in the world. There were a lot of challenges, but you learned how to live in that world and be a part of it. There was a community that you had to navigate and find your place in. When you were bored you had to use your imagination to create something to do. Those moments of creativity led you to become more of yourself and find yourself. Growing up wasn’t a passive experience spent scrolling and posting. The life you were living at that moment was all there was. Now there seems to be two lives, the one you actually live and the online one. That online one has become the priority. By focusing on that secondary life, we don’t find our real selves in the world. We don’t grow into ourselves, we just grow into our profile. I think this is why kids today are so nostalgic for the 90s, 80s, 70s, and 60s. Those eras feel richer because people and life were more embodied. They found their place in the world not in their screens. 

Despite having some access to the internet and clunky computers, my youth and that of others my age weren’t all that dissimilar. The attention economy wasn’t around yet, so there was no business model where we needed to be addicted to everything we played or interacted with. We were still out in the world and relied quite a bit on our imagination. Middle school is when things changed. Facebook had just hit its growth spurt and we all joined, oftentimes before our parents did. Myspace was at the peak of its power then too. Instagram would soon follow, and Snapchat would launch when we were in high school. We all thought these “places” were amazing. Here were spaces that we could curate completely on our own. We could display all of our favorite music and interests there, talk with our friends, and play games. In many ways, it was the embodiment of the promise of social networking. We could connect with everyone and show people who we were. As we know now though, that level of connection had a dark side. 

The first hint of that dark side was cyberbullying. Bullying had always been one of the toughest parts of growing up and now there was no escape from it. Now everyone had an inbox that anyone could message at any time. Not only that, but these messages weren’t just confined to personal interactions. Rumors, abuse, and embarrassing stories could be posted publicly and spread faster than ever before. Social media was so new that parents and teachers didn’t have systems in place to mitigate it, nor did they really know what was going on. The cruelty of teenagers went viral. Social media also amplified insecurity and self-esteem issues. As teenagers find their place in the world, they face a lot of pressure in comparing themselves to others. School was traditionally the main arena where someone would feel that pressure. After the introduction of social media though, that arena spread went global. It lived in pockets and on computer desks. Those comparisons weren’t limited to just kids at school either, struggling teens could compare themselves to anyone with a profile. Reality became extremely distorted by all of this. The classic struggles of who you’re supposed to be and what you’re supposed to look like became even harder once social media became a fixture in people’s lives. Teenage girls got hit extremely hard by these downstream effects as evidenced by the rates of suicide and depression after the introduction of social media. 

Digital media also made an impact. It’s normal for teenagers to be lazy. It’s one of the few times in life where there are no responsibilities or obligations. The problem is when there’s a virtually unlimited amount of content to fill that void. Social media, iPhone games, and YouTube all became opiates to the teenage masses. iPhones became a new appendage. Every minute of free time soon became filled with everyone else’s thoughts and ideas. This got in the way of the crucial steps of finding hobbies and passions. Though I will say that some of that content wasn’t terrible, there were a lot of cool and interesting things before the attention economy really took off. We were lucky in other ways too, there were still a lot of real things to do outside of our phones. We still knew what it was like to hang out with our friends and not have everyone locked into their devices. Still, there were signs of what would become the widespread content addiction we see now, where a sizeable percentage of young people say that they’re almost constantly watching Youtube or TikTok. 

That behavior of constantly being online is one example of how digital native kids are in a vastly different place than we were. A world without these devices has never existed for them. Neither has boredom. Constant entertainment is never far away, and they’ve learned to crave that dopamine. They can’t go long periods of time without some sort of stimulation. This is showing up in schools now, where teachers are facing incredible challenges with kids who can’t focus. Mental health challenges are also on the rise with epidemics of anxiety and depression. The pandemic obviously has a part to play here but I think the constant use of social media has also a part to play. There’s just too much information that they have to deal with, and they don’t spend enough time just learning how to be themselves in the world. More than that, despite everyone they know being just a tap away, real connection can be fleeting. When I see groups of kids today their faces are always buried in their phones, with one occasionally looking up to share a meme or 10-second video. Sometimes they get up to do a TikTok dance, but it’s just another piece of content to post and consume. It seems like all of their interactions are dictated by the algorithm. Some of these examples may be on the extreme side of things but there’s still reason to worry that even though they’re the freest generation we’ve had, they’ll never be able to be themselves. 

We all know how hard it is to grow up, but it’s become even harder for kids today. We need to have periods of alone time to find ourselves. Moments of silence are moments where we can get in touch with ourselves and get a better understanding of who we are. Social media is not the world as much as it may seem like it. To grow requires real experiences and lessons, it requires breakdowns and breakthroughs. We can’t figure out our place in the world if all we do is scroll through feeds and watch YouTube. Life and the people in it require our attention. Unfortunately for many kids today their attention is mainly routed through their screens. They see profiles instead of people. Life is viewed through the lens of posts. I don’t want to sound critical though because none of this is their fault or ours. We all should have empathy for them because social media has changed the way we all interact with the world and ourselves. All of us deal with the same issues they do, they just so happen to be dealing with them during one of the most important periods of their lives. 

So what does the future look like for kids? First off, technology does and will do a lot of amazing things for them. They’re incredibly smart and plugged in. Most know much more about the world than I ever could at their age. They’re more talented too, they’ve perfected learning through youtube tutorials and have access to any sort of tool they could ever want. There’s no shortage of self-taught music producers, artists, and athletes. They have the power to shape the world, but the world also has the power to shape them. For all of the benefits of technology, the current business model relies on addiction and consumption. To reach their full potential we have to teach them to look up. To be in the moment. To talk with people. To be in the world. To find themselves. Technology has a place in this world but can’t be their whole world. We can’t let the algorithms create a generation of distracted zombies. Gen Z took the initial blows but maybe just maybe we can do something to help the next generation have the best of both worlds.