Breaking Through: a personal account of using adventure and experience for growth

Around a month ago I wrote a piece about burnout and how it’s affected the cadence of my writing. There were a few solutions I offered, but if I’m being honest, I wasn’t totally optimistic about any of them. I really was feeling tapped out and wasn’t sure how to get that energy back. Just taking a week off didn’t feel like it would be enough, so I decided I had to craft a week full of experiences that would serve as a reset. These experiences didn’t just bring the energy back, they led me to a place I’d been working towards for a long time. This is going to be one of my most personal pieces to date because I want to share this turning point for me. It’s something I think we can all do to integrate the breakdowns and breakthroughs of whatever chapter we’re in and move into the next phase of our life.

In the modern world, it’s rare to have truly novel experiences. Our days blend together as we cycle through Zoom calls, doomscrolling, and the little things that we do to help us get through living in this dystopia-lite. In that cycle, we don’t seem to really experience anything. We have all of these challenges that we face and overcome, but somehow they get lost in the noise. It’s hard to appreciate anything we do when we’re caught up in the constant burn of modern life. Even when we fill our days with things that are positive like working out, therapy, journaling, meditation, or whatever your thing is, they don’t seem to fully click. Despite all of their benefits they just become another chore in the endless monotony that is our days. In the midst of my burnout, I felt that more than anything. I knew I was still making progress and doing the work but it didn’t feel like it. It was all lost in the endless blur of LEDs and information. I truly felt lost in the chaos of life and all it was throwing at me. 

I don’t like to talk to about what happens in my life, but from time to time it’s needed. This is one of those times. Before this vacation, I hadn’t really thought about the power of experience outside of psychedelics. Vacations never really seemed to refill my tank or change my perspective. This time though I knew that I needed to do something that would do just that and more. There had to be a way to get out of my own head and out of this burnout cycle. I wanted to give myself an adventure that would signify the start of something new. So I planned a trip where I would do things outside of my comfort zone, cement the work I’ve done, and reconnect with the world. This trip would force me to get away from all of the bullshit that had been weighing on me and get my feet back on the ground. Just like some of our most renowned authors, artists, and philosophers, I had to get lost and give myself over to experience.

So I rented this sick base camp out in the middle of nowhere in the rainforest along the coast of the Olympic Peninsula. The adventure started immediately after I left with a storm rolling in across the peninsula. That’s exactly what I wanted though. It was just me and the elements driving hundreds of miles in one of the most scenic parts of the country. The sheer amount of rain left me in awe, and when it cleared that feeling stuck as I saw lakes that were ripped straight out old issues of National Geographic. The energy shift was more palpable the further remote I went. All of the chaos I had been dealing with seemed to drift behind me. Even when dealing with roads that literally looked like they were from a horror movie I felt something change. There was no GPS or cell service leading into the campsite while abandoned cars and gates with cryptic messages framed my view. It was absolutely scary as fuck, but I couldn’t help but smile because that was the whole point. It was an adventure and a completely novel experience. For the first time in a long time, I was in the moment. 

In the morning I saw the true beauty of the camp. It was in this rainforest glade that bordered a creek out of a movie. As soon as I saw that I knew I had to put my phone on the strictest do not disturb setting. I had to give myself over to the day and do what humans have done for millennia, exist. Which entailed spending the morning just hanging out by the creek watching the water flow by, noticing the way the light pierced the fog at different angles, and listening to the perpetual soft drizzle of the rainforest. After writing for just a bit, I drove into the Hoh Rainforest, choosing to forego GPS for road signs. This was going to be as much of an analog experience as possible. (I did cheat with music, but every adventure needs a bit of a soundtrack, in my case it was Umi and A$AP Rocky.) Once in the rainforest, I peeled away from the tourist zones and just went off on a trail solo. Again turning the phone off so it was just me and the world. It was unreal how green and lush things were, even at the end of July. The lack of noise was astonishing too, it felt like I had entered a different world. True to its name I got drenched but that’s why I was there. I wanted to stop avoiding the real world and all that happens in it. Afterward, I drove back to the coast, again without GPS. It was full fuck it mode, if I got lost, I got lost. Along the coast, I found one of the most stunning beaches I’d ever seen. A true PNW beach with rocky islands, pebbles, and petrified wood as far as the eye could see. There once again I just fell right into existence. There was some reading and music, but zero communication with the outside world other than the people who were also at the beach. I spent hours just taking it all in. Finding new spots, ways to entertain myself, and just doing nothing. Eventually, I went back to the campsite, where I saw the stars like I’d never seen them. There were constellations everywhere, and the brightness was turned up to 11. I felt like I was on a planet. It was the perfect ending for a day where I had just wanted to exist on Earth and be human.

During my time out there, I found real love for myself and life. It was the closest to peace of mind I’d ever gotten. I had to make intentional decisions instead of just being led around on a leash by an algorithm and the demands of modern living. Through that intentional living and peace of mind I realized that I was exactly where and who I needed to be. There were no signals to disrupt the time I was spending with myself and the world. All I could do was be present with where I was and what I was doing. That’s what really made an impact on me. It was also insane how long that day felt. It made me see how much time we truly waste with all of things we’re “supposed” to do. By intentionally getting away from it all, I made a profound connection with myself. That’s why we need these types of novel experiences and adventures. We’re constantly being programmed by all of these outside signals and it’s seriously fucking with our brains. When you get away from it all, it feels like a veil has lifted where you see the world and yourself in high def. Once you do that, things change. You’re not distracted by all of the notifications. You just want to live your life. You just want to be you and exist. 

My mini-retreat wasn’t the only experience I built into that week. For one, I’d been at a music festival the three days prior, which in its own way is also an experience to get away from all of the signals of modern life. You’re there with your friends just going from show to show or experience to experience. Time is frozen during the time you’re on the grounds as you follow the vibes from going to shows, partying, and resting. You see things from different perspectives as your mindset alters from environmental, sonic, or chemical shifts. At a festival, you have permission to be your full self and everyone there builds their own society for a few days. It isn’t just about the music, it’s about the people there..Whether it’s with old friends or new ones, you have a community who’s there for the same reason. That in itself makes it worth it. 

That festival wasn’t the only the other thing I did that week though, I also jumped out of plane. Skydiving honestly wasn’t something I had thought about much before this past month. Like most people, it’s not an everyday topic of conversation for me. Plus I’ve always been terrified of heights, so it’s not like it was something I was going to seek out or talk to people about. Despite that, when I was thinking about ways to get out of my head, the thought just appeared, “I should go Skydiving”. It’s the ultimate act of trust. You jump out of a fucking plane with a stranger where the only thing between life and death is a piece of fabric. After all of the work I’ve done, I figured that this was exactly what I needed. I had to face one of my ultimate fears. If things worked out, then it would confirm everything I had been working towards, including what I had found on the coast. Not only did things work out, but that experience was so much more powerful than I had even anticipated. When you’re falling at 120mph the only thing you can do is exist. You’re fully alive and are forced to accept where you’re at. In that free fall time disappears, it’s just you and the world. It’s exhilarating and completely changes how you see things. When I got on the ground, it was the highest I’ve ever felt. Just like when I got back from the forest, the resolution of the world went up another level. 

Now that I’m a bit removed from these experiences, the high has worn off a little. I can feel myself being routed back onto the tracks that modern life has laid out for me. I’ve scrolled through Instagram, listened to podcasts, and had to join Zoom calls for work. What I found out on the coast and in the sky has stuck with me though. I see the scrolling for what it is. I see work for what it is. They’re means to an end. They aren’t the world. They aren’t me. I know what life is and what it feels like. That’s why I crafted this adventure or whatever you want to call it. I had to get back in touch with who I am and the life I’m living now. Not only that but the life I can live. These experiences I gave myself helped me finally realize where I’m at now. They allowed me to see my life clearly and embrace it. By getting lost out on the coast I was able to lose all of the bullshit I’d been clinging to from before I started this long journey of breakdowns and breakthroughs. Jumping out of a plane let me shed even more baggage. After doing that, I know that I can face anything that I’ve let hold me back in the past. Human experience is supposed to be an adventure. The algorithms and capitalism seek to erase that to make things predictable. Life isn’t predictable though. We need reminders that we can find ourselves. We need reminders of our humanity. We need to shake things up. So if you’re feeling how I was, go out and create your own adventure. You never know what you’ll find by getting lost.